Mental health is different to any other health topic, and yet it’s also the same. Why is it different? Well, because our mind is not our liver, for example, we tend to understand liver health at a fundamental level, but often struggle with mental health, yet it’s critical to every person. Why is it the same? Because in the same way as treating the liver, we need to know what we are dealing with in order to treat and support the challenges that come with mental health.
We are happy to deal with body health and we so should be equally happy to deal with our minds as well …it’s good for us…in fact it’s great for us and for everyone around us at the same time. So why do we need to have these conversations and why do we need to be aware of where we’re at when it comes to our mental health? Let’s explore these questions and take a look at a few ways to increase our mental wellbeing.
The first and most important reason to have these conversations is because you matter, you matter to someone, and someone matters to you. You are loved, seen, wanted and needed. No matter how tough things are, there will always be someone who cares for you. The world needs you: your family and friends need you! I speak from personal experience when I say it can be difficult to speak to people at times, when it comes to how I feel about the issues I am dealing with.
I have questions in my mind such as what if they think I’m crazy or weak, or what if they don’t understand me or can’t help me. Or what if they ask me what I’m dealing with, how do I explain something I don’t even understand? These are questions that deserve to be addressed. Let me start by saying that it’s normal and OK to have questions, we have all had questions. But let’s deal with the elephant in the room, some people won’t understand how to deal with what you are facing, and that’s OK too.
You don’t always need someone to understand you cognitively, as long as you have someone who will support you emotionally. What I mean by this is that they are willing to “understand” you. They have love and care to support you, to stand under you and hold you up while you’re down. Those are the people you need in your life, sometimes it’s a complete stranger or someone who has walked a similar path. You might need what is referred to as “bush eyes”, where you really have to look (through) the bush to see what is right in front of you. Change your focus and your perspective just a little, and you’ll realize that you have someone right there who will give you the support you want and need.
To follow on from that you matter, how you feel, how you live, how you respond and react and how you see yourself is very important to your soul, to your mindset and to your overall mental, emotional and physical health. As a human being, all those parts are connected. Now you might say that’s so obvious, but when we break it down and actually think about it, one part of us can completely impact all the other parts of us.
We tend not to see that because we are so overwhelmed with the part that is causing us the most grief, however while we are in that space we can’t see it…we can’t see the wood for the trees. We are stuck inside this forest and can’t get out, which is why it’s imperative to find someone that you feel you can trust to speak to about how you are feeling and what you’re thinking. It might feel like you are taking a bit of a risk, but it is so worth it, as the saying goes; “a burden shared is a burden halved”.
Remember mental health includes how we think, and what we think, as well as how we feel and what we feel. It’s our overall psychological wellbeing that we need to consider. It’s a tapestry of thoughts and emotions that make up our humanness. It’s in our journey of being human that we find what makes us who we are, what makes us feel alive and our amazing purpose and passions.
Old Hebrew text says that how a person thinks, is how he or she will be. Your mental and emotional state will determine every part of your life. So, there’s a clue, think about what you think about! Read that again, think about what you think about, be aware of what you think. Yes, it’s true that we cant stop a bird from flying over our heads, but we can stop it from making a nest in our hair.
That’s the same with our thinking, we can’t stop a thought from entering our minds, but we can control it if we focus on it. Too often we get carried away with a thought, that thought leads to a pattern, the pattern leads to behaviours and then behaviours become our daily life. Our awareness of what and how we think is important because that way we have power over what we think, rather than our thoughts having a negative impact on us. The same works with positive productive thinking. If we are aware of our powerful and productive thoughts, this gives us an advantage because it also produces energy in our bodies.
At the same time, we need to think about is how powerful our thoughts are. Our minds contribute and control most areas of our lives; they have the power to influence our reality. The mind has impact over our social interaction, relationships, physical health, and at a grass roots level impacts how our day turns out. If we think it’s going to be a bad day, it usually is. But if we focus on making it a success, then it will be one.
Let’s explore a few options to improve our mental wellbeing. These are simple, often cost-free effective ways we can use every day. You can do them on your own, with other people, at home or while you travel. This lightweight tool kit is packed with high impact tools that you can take anywhere. You can use them individually or combined to suit your needs.
The key is practice and pleasure! Start creating daily practices that become a lifestyle of good habits that will feed your soul. If you are just starting out and you miss a day don’t worry, today is another opportunity to start again. At the same time, if you find you don’t enjoy a particular tool, change it. Use what works for you, it should bring pleasure and improvement. Have fun exploring these tools, and dare to share. You’ll find that when you share these tools and support someone else, your wellbeing will change and improve. You’ll start seeing life differently, you’ll enjoy the simple things in life, and you will develop an attitude of gratitude!
I love the wise advice a friend of mine shared with me, that it’s not being selfish when you take time for yourself, its actually self-love not selfish. So, take time for yourself, give yourself love, time and space. It’s important that you look after yourself first, because you cannot give what you don’t have, and if you run out of capacity to give, it means that you have not being self-loving! Time with yourself is not time by yourself, it’s with yourself. Be with you, you are great to be with. Now that’s a fantastic perspective!
Remember that as a human being you are connected to all that makes up who you are, so when you practice a particular tool, it will impact more than just one part of your life. I have listed the tools broadly under body, mind and soul.
BODY
Exercise – some people tell me they don’t like exercise or they don’t have time for it. Change how you think about it and change what you call it: I use the term “intentional activity”. It doesn’t really matter what you do, as long as you are intentional about doing it, it might be a short walk, 5 minutes of climbing steps or a 5km walk. Whatever it is that you enjoy, go out and be intentional about doing it.
Food – this differs from person to person, based on your body’s needs. However the key is to ensure that you eat as healthily as possible. Try to stay away from processed food, have a balanced diet and yes at the same time enjoy your food, so if you feel like a slice of cake then have one, but don’t eat the whole cake. Keep alcohol to a minimum and keep water to a maximum.
Sleep – this is always an interesting one for me, because we might struggle to sleep because we can’t stop thinking, and we stay awake for hours. If you struggle to sleep, try to use some of the other tools rather than just lying in bed getting frustrated. Stay off your mobile device because it activates your mind and then you won’t be able to sleep. Do your best to break sleeping patterns, start waking up early, do that for 10 days and you’ll find that you will start going to bed earlier and your patterns will change. Also listen to your body, if you need to sleep during the day then do that, just don’t sleep the whole day.
MIND
Books – now this is an interesting practice. I’ll be honest, I’m not the biggest fan of reading because it takes me so long to read a few pages, so I like audiobooks. I’m an auditory learner, so listening really works for me, think about it, when you were a child I’m sure you listened to stories. I guess my inner child still loves listening to a story. In Africa we have passed down lessons and culture through stories around a fire or table for years. Whatever works for you, go for it. It’s a great way to travel inside the book and learn something at the same time.
Goals – it’s important to have goals in your life, they give you reason to get up in the morning! Set yourself small goals and set some giant goals. Set a goal that you can achieve soon, because that gives you energy and motivation to go to the next one. Set a goal that’s so big that it scares you and induces bravery at the same time. It could be a financial or relationship goal, it might be your intentional activity goal. Write them down, keep them visible so you can see them, tell someone about them, ask that person to support you. It’s always good to have a cheerleader or an accountability partner who will help you achieve your goals. Celebrate your wins, both big and small. Your attitude will change, you’ll become the winner you were born to be!
Self-talk – have a conversation with yourself, it’s not as strange as you think, we often have them, but they can be negative self-talk. Listen to yourself, what have you been saying, what lies have you been telling yourself? Have a powerful positive conversation with yourself, tell yourself how amazing you really are. That you were born to be different and to make a difference. That you are loved, special, wanted and needed. If you can send yourself a voice message on your phone, listen to it daily and become your biggest fan. Why…because you are awesome!
SOUL
Hobbies – find something that will occupy your mind and your time, it could be a book, a puzzle, something active or something passive. A hobby is a stress reliever, it helps you increase your social circles. They are loads of fun and might even lead to a new job opportunity! They will definitely help you relax and be the time for self-love. Go out and do something new you deserve it.
Gratitude Jar – I love this one! At the end of every day, sit by yourself or with family and friends and write down what you are grateful for. It might be for your health or that you met someone new or that you are in a better place emotionally and mentally. Write down as many as you want to and put them into a glass jar, watch it fill up as time goes by, and then at the end of each month read all of them, and again read the whole lot at the end of the year. You’ll see that you have so much to be grateful for, and that your life is really blessed!
Cause focus – find something that is bigger than you, get involved in a community project. Be part of something where you can add value and find a sense of purpose and belonging. Go out and make a difference. It doesn’t have to cost you anything, you can clean the neighbour’s pavement or spend time helping at a school or old age home. You might even have skills that you can teach to other people and give them a second chance at life. Being cause-driven will change your life, it’ll help you clarify your thoughts and realize that you are so important to those you support.
The benefits to using these tools are endless! You will start finding a sense of value when your serve. Your energy will increase when you become intentional about your activity, you will realize how much you have to be thankful for and your peace will increase. Your self-esteem will increase because you’ll see how valued you really are. So remember, this too shall pass, you might find yourself in a season where life is challenging, but get up, go for it…you didn’t come this far to only come this far. You are an amazing individual and the world needs someone just like you to be difference a maker.
Thank you for being in our world, because we are better for it. Stay focused and stay strong, you’ve got this! You are loved!
